Martyr vs Trickster

Day 1

Wax On: Sometimes I think you have to accept that what others see in you is perhaps truer than what you see in yourself.  Todays ‘wax application’ has to be acceptance.  Acceptance that perhaps those astute, bright and perfectly intelligent people around you who believe in you may be right?  Belief in self is such a mountain for me that I often exhaust myself with the ‘lack of’ and yet perhaps it can be as simple as flicking a switch in the brain and honestly accepting that all the great things that others say about you are true.

My boss came into the office at least 3 times today to tell me in three different ways what a good job had been done on this, how impressed they were with that, how important it was that I felt this too.  Numb.  Numb because for some reason I don’t seem to be able to believe it; numb because it doesn’t matter how many times you say it I can’t believe it – ‘You are just being nice.  Really.’ is what I want to say but I smile and say thank you.

If I accept that the layer of wax put on today is personal acceptance and belief then hopefully there will be a shinier and more confident me at the end of it.  I’ve been reading the book ‘Big Magic’ by Elizabeth Gilbert.  A friend recommended it to me – the text didn’t speak to her, but she thought it might be a read that I could enjoy, and I have.  I am a creator with a huge creative block on my hands.  Lack of self belief, acceptance, perfection ……. to name but a few hurdles.  Elizabeth talks about the Martyr vs the Trickster and how the Martyr is a huge issue for creatives and I got it.  If I can find a little bit of fun even cheekiness around my creations and stop thinking that I need to suffer for my art then maybe, just maybe I can make headway here.  Another dab of wax from the pot. It feels like a risk, a bit like hanging upside down in mid air.  Risk is clearly necessary here to get out of the rut.

Wax off:  Progress made at work because I have glimpses of acceptance of what I can achieve.  Time to chill out on the creations a little, even take a little detour.

Rules for day 1:  Accept what others say as genuine and thank them gratefully.  Have a little fun with the artwork.pexels-photo-725998.jpeg

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